Mad at the MTA

"FUCK THIS BUS!"

Someone in Brooklyn is happy with the service on the B65 Bus.
Oh, wait. They are UNHAPPY with the bus service. UNHAPPY.

One sentence movie review: "Don't Mess with Zohan"

I was having brunch with some friends this past Sunday when my friend Jesse, apropos of nothing drops mentions the new Adam Sandler movie, "Don't Mess with Zohan." Now, I'm not a huge comedy snob, I think a lot of Adam Sandler's stuff can be really funny. Steve Buschemi putting on lipstick in "Billy Madison" is pure weird comedy.

"Don't Mess With Zohan" looks a lot like a stool sample. Jesse, a man with normally good taste, disagrees. He thinks the preview looks really funny. He's not sure if the movie will live up to the high expectations of the preview, but he LOVES the preview.


Of course I thought of Jesse when I saw this simple and to the point graffiti review.

"Borat + Chuck Norris="Don't Mess with Zohan."

I mean, 'nuff said, right? That totally nails what is wrong with it. This movie is a completely rip-off of two things you don't want combined.

Another plus on the ad is Adam Sandler had to use a stunt double for his legs. There is no way he has thighs like that. NO WAY!

Happy Mother's Day One-Eyed Don!

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Every year I send my sister a card and call her. But this year she gave me a Mother's Day present in the shape of a classic Ali email. She bartends every Sunday and yesterday was no different.

Thanks for the call yesterday. As you know I was at work..where I got to witness some dude lose a tooth while eating his salad. Yes, he was literally holding it in his hand..then tried to blame it on the salad..I told him he had a crappy dentist. Unreal.

He then wanted to take out his dental plate..(I guess the plate holds all the fake teeth..ugh I dunno) and to make it worse he only has 1 eye, we call him 1 eyed Don because there are several Don's.

We are horrible people.

One-eyed Don. My sister is such a genius.

Although I am sorry she had to spend Mother's Day looking at a one-eyed, no-toothed freak, I am glad she shares this stuff with me.

Last Obsessed Until the Fall!

You read it correctly - Obsessed is taking a summer hiatus and going to musical theater camp! So come by the show Thursday and get enough Julie and Jackie goodness to last all summer.

OBSESSED
Thursday, May 8 at 9:30 pm
UCB Theatre | Only $5
Reservations online or 212-366-9176
307 West 26th St (West of 8th Ave)

With
Andrew Andrew
Mitch Magee
and the teenagers who made this video

Spring Means Baseball! Go Sox!

Spring is upon us and that means that baseball is here again. Thank goodness!

So here are some fun baseball thing-a-ma-jigs.

Sox/Yanks rivalry ends in death.
Bruised up Yanks fan, Ivonne Hernandez ran over a few Red Sox fans, killing one. This dope of a woman was at a bar in Nashua, NH proclaiming her Yanks fandom then jumped into her car to escape the chants of "Yankees Suck." A Yankes fan in NH? I smell an execution.

Speaking of the Yankees...lookie, lookie what I found!


I was taking out the trash one fine day when I looked into the garbage and found a Yanks cap. Now I know what you are supposed to do with those hats. I wonder if that hat is covering Phil Hughes ERA. Ha ha! Yankees suck!

And here is some fun Mets graffiti:

SNY has a bunch of Mets ads up around the city that frustrated fans have been delighting in scribbling over.

David Wright

Professional sports is the hobgoblin of the weak

Yikes. I love it when graffiti gets dorky and philosophical!

This graffiti is a little more NYC Classic:


I *think* that is Jose Reyes but I don't watch the Mets enough to know or care. But who cares WHAT player it is when he is smoking a huge "bluntz" while sliding into a base.

Play ball!

Pinkberry Lies

Lies! You've all been eating lies!

People have been RAVING about Pinkberry but I never trusted it as the company refused to release the ingredients. I can't believe that New Yorkers en masse would put something in their mouths that they knew nothing about.

Well the ingredients have been released and Pinkberry is...not so natural. Unless you consider propylene glycol esters, lactoglycerides, sodium acid pyrophosphate, mono- and diglycerides natural.

“Isn’t it amazing how many additives it takes to make something taste natural?” Dr. Reineccius said.

Feels good to be me!

McCain Girls

I may be late to the party on this one, but my friend Flossie turned me onto the McCain Girls video below. It is almost unspeakable in its badness.



Now I don't want to pick on these ladies because they are unattractive. They aren't heinous and individually they are pretty standard looking. But when you combine their forces it unleashes a jolt of unfuckability that is usually only seen at country & western concerts. It is amazing to see three odd looking women of three different races (and one of these gals is certified AARP) lip-syncing for McCain.

This song is proof that Apple shouldn't include Garage Band in with their operating software. I'm sure it is how the Manhattan Project fellas felt when they saw the actual damage an atom bomb can cause.

I recommend the ENTIRE video. If you have a bong handy then more power to you.

If you want a "best of recommendation" then go to 1:40 for some sweet green-screen action. The ladies fake a conversation in front of a window as dozens of McCains are raining down. Then one gal does a pretty good job miming opening the window until she lets her hands go nuts and reaches waaay over her head. Then the old one acts sexy. Blargh.

This is basically the most hilarious reason to vote McCain.

Obsessed! Thursday! Music Edition! MC Chris and Wendy Ho!

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and Obsessed is ready to celebrate Spring with you this Thursday!

Thursday, April 10
9:30 PM | UCB Theatre
307 West 26th St
Only $5 | 212-366-9176 or here for reservations

This month we're Obsessed with music!
With
Rapper Extraordinarre MC Chris
And the gal responsible for the hit-single "Bitch, I Stole Your Purse" Wendy Ho

Don't forget to douche!

The Yankees Cause Suicide

Need Proof?

Here it is:

A man hijacked a Con Edison van after shooting a woman in the Bronx on Tuesday night, then shot and killed himself as the police closed in on him while he was stuck in traffic outside Yankee Stadium, the police said.

Or maybe he remembered Joba's fat head and neck covered in flies during the Cleveland series from last season.


Yankees Kill!

Huzzah? Wuzzah...French Safe Sex PSA!

Words cannot describe the weirdness of the clip below. My friend, Matt Decoster alerted me to the short and I cannot imagine how a straight man found this gift from the YouTube gods.



The song will make you want to join a cult. Even if you don't watch the whole thing fast forward to about 1:30 to see the most realistic portrayal of gay lovemaking I have ever encountered.

And I am not sure what the message is beyond if you have sex after a horrible hate crime, wear a condom.

Enjoy!

Simple and Sarcastic. Swoon.

The new Tylenol "Feel Better" ads that seem to be challenging Brett Gelman's "Little Bit of Luck" for title of NYC's most ubiquitous ads, are very Captain Obvious. They offer helpful advice such as "when you're hungry eat" and "if you can't sleep take a sleeping pill." Not exactly groundbreaking advertising.

So imagine my delight when I stumbled on this simple and perfectly snarky graffiti.

"If you're sick, GENIUS take a sick day."

Genius. I love the correct punctuation. I love the simplicity. And I love that someone crossed out "Tylenol" and added a tag. Like we're to believe that Tylenol no longer makes Tylenol. Clean pink slippers. An added bonus.

Eliot: Spitzer or 'ET?

I saw this ad for keeping it green where someone wrote "Why Eliot?" I guess because of the bike my immediate thought was "this person is obsessed with 'ET' the movie." Then, to quote my sophomore English teacher who died from complications due to alcoholism, 'light dawns on marble head." Eliot Spitzer. Who boinked a whore and had to quit his job...as governor. I get it!

Enjoy the graffiti the way Eliot enjoyed that $4,000 hummer!

David Paterson Likes Sex Too!

The new New York State governor, David Paterson has admitted to having extra-martial affairs. Unlike many of these situations, his wife admitted to getting some on the side which makes the ERA feminist in me smile with glee.

According to the "Daily News," Paterson said

he and the other woman sometimes stayed at an upper West Side hotel — the Days Inn at Broadway and W. 94th St.

The DAYS INN!
I love this guy. This is EXACTLY who I want governing New York. Paterson knows enough to not pay for something (sex) you can get for free. And when he does get it he does it bargain style at the Days Inn.

I can't wait for updates on the budget talks!

St Patty's Day Aftermath

That tall Dr. Seuss Guniess hat seems so fun when the evening starts.

Wearing it alone at 1 am on the subway seems less fun.

OBSESSED: This Thursday!

OBSESSED WITH JULIE & JACKIE
This Thursday don't miss OBSESSED!

Thursday, March 13th at 9:30 PM
UCB Theater NY | 307 West 26th Street @ 8th Ave
212.366.9176 | http://ucbtheater.com for rezzies
$5 bucks

This month:

OBSESSED Goes Commercial
Featuring your favorite shills:

Adira Amram
Brett Gelman "Little Bit of Luck"
Stoley (who will be singing the IO Digital Cable jingle, for your enjoyment)
& Jawnee Conroy (who is in an ad with "Soprano's" Paulie Walnuts)

PLUS my collection of photos of myself around the city with LITTLE BIT OF LUCK! Here's a sample!