So we are putting up the SHOWGIRLS show again on Tuesday, Dec 1 at 8 pm and Thursday Dec 15 at 9:30 pm! (with special guest MICHAEL MUSTO on the 1st!
Check out the Showgirls Website at http://www.showgirlsthebestmovieevermadeever.com/
Make sure you visit Nomi's blog. It's funny!
Arbitrary Dating Rules
My friend, Jason, told me I should write a book of Arbitrary Dating Rules. He recommended this after I told him that I couldn't date anyone who wears T-shirts that don't fit. Yes, it's arbitrary, but anyone I tell that to just gets it. A guy that almost exclusively wears T-shirts that don't fit is sending a message to the world and that message is 'I need a mother and a mirror.' I'm neither nor.
So I've come up with a few Arbitrary Dating Rules
- No male manicures unless you're a very hot black man. (Or unless you're gay, which is totally obvious. But if you're gay we shouldn't be dating. I did that already. It was called high school.) This rule falls into a category that I call benign racism. It's that type of racism that is still racism but it's so complimentary it's hard to label it as racism. Asian people are smarter and cuter. Black people are cooler and better dancers. These are goddamn facts. And it's another goddamn fact that a male manicure on a Caucasian straight hand looks awful. Clear nail polish coating dirty nails makes me really depressed. And I think, more telling, male manicures remind me of my Dad who used to make his Filipino mail-order wife give him a manicure every Friday night. (True story!)
- You must enjoy, or at least tolerate, my drinking.
- 'Finding Nemo' cannot be your favorite movie. If it is you're a pedophile or retarded. And if that's the case, we shouldn't be dating.
- Dancing. Mandatory. You don't need to be a great dancer. I'm not a great dancer, so it's probably better you're just OK. But if you could manage to look sexy while you try...well...that would be great.
- Don't use the term 'make love.' I know I'm a girl and I should really like the more romantic term, 'make love,' but I hate it. Hate it. Although, and this is where we enter the 'you will never ever be right zone,' there are times when 'make love' is appropriate and preferred. But those times are rare and usually occur in France.
- Clean mouth and clean balls. Always. This is non-negotiable.
- If you order shrimp in a seedy Mexican restaurant and you notice that they are 'sort of raw' but eat them anyway and then you get violently ill, you must know you were asking for it.
- The Frank Whaley/Kevin Spacey film, "Swimming with Sharks" is not scary. It's amazing.
So I've come up with a few Arbitrary Dating Rules
- No male manicures unless you're a very hot black man. (Or unless you're gay, which is totally obvious. But if you're gay we shouldn't be dating. I did that already. It was called high school.) This rule falls into a category that I call benign racism. It's that type of racism that is still racism but it's so complimentary it's hard to label it as racism. Asian people are smarter and cuter. Black people are cooler and better dancers. These are goddamn facts. And it's another goddamn fact that a male manicure on a Caucasian straight hand looks awful. Clear nail polish coating dirty nails makes me really depressed. And I think, more telling, male manicures remind me of my Dad who used to make his Filipino mail-order wife give him a manicure every Friday night. (True story!)
- You must enjoy, or at least tolerate, my drinking.
- 'Finding Nemo' cannot be your favorite movie. If it is you're a pedophile or retarded. And if that's the case, we shouldn't be dating.
- Dancing. Mandatory. You don't need to be a great dancer. I'm not a great dancer, so it's probably better you're just OK. But if you could manage to look sexy while you try...well...that would be great.
- Don't use the term 'make love.' I know I'm a girl and I should really like the more romantic term, 'make love,' but I hate it. Hate it. Although, and this is where we enter the 'you will never ever be right zone,' there are times when 'make love' is appropriate and preferred. But those times are rare and usually occur in France.
- Clean mouth and clean balls. Always. This is non-negotiable.
- If you order shrimp in a seedy Mexican restaurant and you notice that they are 'sort of raw' but eat them anyway and then you get violently ill, you must know you were asking for it.
- The Frank Whaley/Kevin Spacey film, "Swimming with Sharks" is not scary. It's amazing.
LA Humor
I peeked at the reservation book at this Italian restaurant called Prizzi's near UCB LA. And I was BEYOND the valley of delighted to find a reservation for Seymoor Butts. Get it? See More Butts. I'd LOVE to see more butts. So adorable.
Thank you LA for being so cute!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Tweet Tweet