Day 1: Los Angeles

Today is my first day in Los Angeles. The delightful John Flynn and I are resurrecting that old chestnut, "SHOWGIRLS: The Best Movie Ever Made, Ever!" at the UCB Theatre in LA. So I will be here all of June. And before some trash-heap decides June is the perfect time to break into Jackie Clarke's vacant Crown Heights apartment, think again. I bought a pitbull and he's staying at my place.

Any trip to LA comes equipped with lots of free time, so this blog may get a little more attention than usual.

I took a late flight from Newark yesterday and my travels were not exactly smooth. My friend Matt (Big Eaters Club) offered (once I asked) to drive me to Newark. We have a history of patronizing Ikea for meatballs not for home goods. We also have a history of leaving talismans there. Last Christmas, we smuggled in a Jesus night-light and we left it in a fully furnished children's bedroom. Why? Got me.

A couple weeks ago Matt texted me and told me the talisman for this trip was a doozy. He was right! It was a thrift store Christmas angel that someone had spray-painted a turdy Hulk green. Matt added a few feet of ribbon and pasted homemade cut-out letters that read "Good Luck in Los Angeles, Jackie" with the middle ribbon reading, "Ikea." One can't forget to appease the gods.

Sadly, we never made it to Ikea. Matt's car sighed it's last sigh in Elizabeth, NJ. So I had to pay a taxi to drive me one mile to the airport. $25, thank you very much.

I flew Continental because I had a ton of random Continental miles to burn. I paid $30 for the flight and that was too much. Flying Continental is like traveling cross-country in a homeless shelter.

Things stayed interesting on the flight as there was a crazy person on the plane. I walked on and this old nut job was yelling about Los Angeles, "I love Los Angeles! I am going motherfucking home." Of course he was seated in front of me. I was starting to panic. Airlines are doing everything to save gas so this flight was scheduled at almost six hours. Luckily he was thrown off the flight and we took off...an hour late.

Now I'm in LA and I haven't gotten into a car accident yet. Yay!