Worst or Best Wedding DJ Ever

Thanks to my friend, Lindy Gomez who sent me this.
It ALMOST makes me like Genesis. Damn, I love her expression of stone-faced-abuse-taking.

Shows shows shows!!!

Please come see me in shows this weekend!

- DEATH BY ROO ROO: Your F'ed Up Family 
Take an improvised journey into your family’s dysfunction... Did your Dad try to kill your Mom’s boyfriend? Did your sister start a fire on Thanksgiving? Or did someone just forget Grandma in the car for a few hours? Let Roo Roo West take what caused your family pain and turn it into a night of hilarious improv comedy for all to enjoy.

"Some of the raunchiest and funniest improv in town." -LA Weekly

EVERY FRIDAY at 9:30 PM
Tickets here
UCB LA
5919 Franklin Ave Hollywood, CA 90028

- THE MISMATCH GAME
MatchGame as it was intended to be...I'll be playing Elizabeth Taylor's Twitter account at the MisMatch Game. (If you haven't seen it, treat yourself at Twitter.com/DameElizabeth)

SATURDAY at 8PM
Tickets here
 LA Gay and Lesbian Center

1625 N. Schrader Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA  90028-6213


- WORST LAID PLANS: Book Release Show!
Saturday at 10 PM
Tickets here

When bad sex happens to good people...there's no recourse like disclosure. This very special episode of Worst Laid Plans will feature some seriously funny bedroom bloopers in celebration of the Worst Laid Plans book release! Books will be available for purchase and signing.

UCB LA
5919 Franklin Ave Hollywood, CA 90028

And you can buy the book on Amazon here

Sports Illustrated: Illustrating My Nightmares

This may be the worst SI cover in the history of all mankind. Look at this shit. HOW LAME IS THIS? This cover makes me ask so many questions:

- Is Mariano Rivera a Palm Springs housewife?
- Who is Andy Petite blowing a fart at?
- Is Derek Jeter so impressed with his fragrance (Avon presents Derek Jeter's "Driven") that he doesn't have to be a part of this tomfoolery?
- WHY IS JOSE "NO NUTS" POSADA A KNEE-TOUCHER?

Seriously, what the f-bomb is Posada doing? I am wretching as I write this. He is not touching one Yankee knee but two. He manages to get a full-palm on Rivera and a light graze on Petite. What the hell is wrong with monkey-ears? What is going on Posada, were you so unloved as a child you think this is a hug, you dummy?

This is the worst photo is the world. This is like seeing a picture of Hitler, Pol Pot, Idi Amin and Dick Cheney doing the hokey pokey.